Same partner.
New kiss.
For some men, kissing is just one step toward sex. For many women, kissing is the goal. The Kissing Audit is a short, honest set of questions that closes the gap, so kissing becomes something you both enjoy and desire.
Somewhere after the wedding, kissing became a down payment on sex.
Nobody really teaches you how to kiss. We pick it up from movies, from porn, from our buddies telling us what to do. First base, second base, third base, home run. Once you start having sex, you stop making out just to make out. Why stay on first base once you have already scored?
But sensual is not sexual. Sensual is meeting in the senses. The lips, the smell, the heat, the energy. Sexual is one specific dimension of that, and a much narrower one. When a kiss only ever means I want sex, it puts pressure on the person being kissed. And pressure and desire do not sit well together.
Connected senses. Lips, breath, heat, presence. A way to say I am here, with you. The whole playground. Doorway to soul synergy.
One dimension of the sensual. Real, and good. But not the only way to make love. One ride in the park, not the park.
The wider the sensual playground, the richer the sexual experience.
Three parts. One honest conversation.
Take it slow. Answer honestly. Then bring it to your partner.
Ask yourself
Before you talk to anyone, get honest with yourself. Where did you learn to kiss? What is a kiss even for? What do you love, and what quietly bothers you?
- ✱Where did you learn how to kiss?
- ✱What is the connection between kissing and sex for you?
- ✱Where do you want more kisses? In your body, and in space.
Talk with your partner
The conversation most couples never have. Out loud, on purpose, with curiosity instead of blame or scorekeeping.
- ✱Do you enjoy the way each other kisses?
- ✱How would you want to kiss differently?
- ✱Where do you each want more kisses?
Kiss every day
One small ritual. Kiss your partner every day, whether or not it leads to sex. Notice what shifts in a week.
This where you act differently, and get different results.
This is a taste. The full PDF walks you through the complete audit.
A married couple teaching a marriage.
Dr. Assael Romanelli is an LCSW, a certified couple and family therapist, and a Psychology Today contributor with over 100 articles and more than 2 million reads. Galit Romanelli is a certified coach, experiential facilitator, and PhD candidate.
Sixteen years married. Six remarriages to each other. The examples in our work are not case studies. They are our Tuesday nights. We teach from the kitchen, not the clinic.
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No spam. Just the audit, plus the occasional resource we make ourselves.